ME jokes
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
Why does everyone call me racist?
My shadow is black.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."