ME jokes
A depressed kid gave me a high five. I left him hanging.
The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
I hope you SEA me around later, 'cause I SHORE won't stay here for long.
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
Teacher told me to turn in my essay, but I ain't no snitch, fool.
Me: What's the fifth month of the year?
Friend: May.
Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.
Guy: Where are they then?
Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].
One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”
Wanna come hang out with me?
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!
What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?
We were both caused by broken rubber.
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁