ME jokes

Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?

Seek and Hide: Me.

Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.

Seek: Why do I have to be it?

Figure: Because your name says so.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

"Kylin milks me all day like I'm a cow."

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

So I replied, "No, it doesn't."

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.

Friend: Why?

Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.

What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?

Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”

My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

My friend playing truth or dare asked me: "Dare".

My friends: "I dare you to go home."

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

Hey, talk to me here!