ME jokes

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me!

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.

I told her to keep her chins up.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.