ME jokes

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"

Sister: You're so stupid.

Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

Why does everyone call me racist?

My shadow is black.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.