ME jokes

Land

    • This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

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    • ME memes

    Son

    • Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

    Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

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    • Anorexia

    • I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.

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    • Self Harm

    • When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

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    • Santa Claus

    • One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

    "Please send me a sibling!"

    Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

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    • Sister

    • My sister just sits on the toilet with her iPad, then I go to do something at the sink and she says, "Bella, give me toilet paper!" Then I am annoyed, like super annoyed.

    Dark Humor

    • Kid asks, "What is dark humor?" Me *points*, "See that guy across the street..." Kid: "I can't... I'm blind." Me: "Exactly."

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    • Priest

    • A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

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    • Icup

    • Kalyn: Mrs. Frizzle,

    Mrs. Frizzle: Sure.

    Kalyn: Can you spell I-C-U-P for me?

    Mrs. Frizzle: Shut up, you little fucktard!

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    • Teacher

    • Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*

    Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?

    Weight

    • My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

    Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

    Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

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