ME jokes

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

An orphan's favorite Roblox game is Adopt Me.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)