ME jokes

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:

Starters - Foreplay

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl

Dessert - Blowy

Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?

"Make me one with everything."

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

Roses are red, violets are blue, You told me I'm ugly, nah, you look like a monkey!

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.

Did you get seafood without me?

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

After I see an anime boy acting cool,

Me at school acting cool:

My brothers: "He's just acting cool."

Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.

Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.

And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.