ME jokes

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"

Girlfriend: "No."

Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

A B C D E F G H I see a bitch in front of me.

Me: What’s the definition of “ignorance”?

Friend: Don’t know?

Me: U STUPID!

You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.

Pokemon.

I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Hey, talk to me here!

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

Me: I need a good roast.

My friend: Take me!

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.