ME jokes
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,
The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"
The teacher replied, "Home."
The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
Haha, the joke is me.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Hello, everybody, it's me, Mariplier, and today I'm going to be balling at Freddy's!
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
Me :D
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*