ME jokes

Banker: I have the right to take your money!

Me: Check my name.

Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?

Banker: *realizes*

Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

What is Michael Jackson's favorite phrase to parents of boys? "Leave me alone!"

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...

Then it hit me!

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"

Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

Imagine a dragon 🤔.

Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.

This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.

Haha, the joke is me.