ME jokes
Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!
Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
What is brown and sticky?
What is white and gooey?
What is long and hard?
(Tell me in the comments)
When the teacher dismissed the class to go home,
The orphan asked, "Where do I go?"
The teacher replied, "Home."
The orphan said, "Catch me on the streets then!"
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
Memes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Die.
Die who?
Me, I want to die.
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.