ME jokes
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
Memes
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.
Call me Willma, Will ma balls fit in ya mouth?
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
Me :D
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!