ME jokes

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...

Then it hit me!

Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.

A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”

If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

What is Michael Jackson's favorite phrase to parents of boys? "Leave me alone!"

Banker: I have the right to take your money!

Me: Check my name.

Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?

Banker: *realizes*

Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!

Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!

Hello, everybody, it's me, Mariplier, and today I'm going to be balling at Freddy's!

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

Me, haha, I'm the joke.

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”