ME jokes
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
What time do you call me tomorrow?
Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!
Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.
Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!
Sans: Yea bro.
Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
I like you, you like me.
Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
Knock, knock.
Moon, give me cheese.
What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
"Get off me, homes!"
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!