ME jokes

It's me, the Joje.

Why is America bad at Clash of Clans?

Because they already lost two towers.

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

Me: You have pretty eyes.

Her: Thank you.

Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴

Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.

Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.

Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.

Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.

Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

Oh, the monkeys in the trees, they dance and they play, Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, they chatter all day. Their tails so long, their hands so fine, they swing and they sway, In the trees, they're the kings of the fray.

Their antics bring joy, their laughter so free, They're a delight to watch, as they jump and they spree. Their mischief is contagious, their fun so true, They're a treasure, a gift to me and you.

Their little hands so deft, their feet so light, They swing through the trees, with grace and might. They're a wonder, a marvel to see, A precious gift, a treasure to me.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.

Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.

Knock knock! Who's there? Prince! Prince who? Prince please talk to me!

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."

"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

I’m so straight, you could call me a supplementary angle.

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Me die.