ME jokes
The name is Doe, Dilbert Doe. You can call me Dil.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!
life
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
If I tell Stephen about these jokes, what is he gonna do? Chase after me? He better run fast!
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
Period: Guess who’s back... back again...
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)
I'm a poor Indian, please help me.
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.
Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."
I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.
Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.
Now I got a 31 on the ACT.
I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"
1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.