Man jokes
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Yo mama's so fat, a man has to bring climbing equipment to kiss her on the cheek.
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?
A strong man’s biceps.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
I support men.
Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.