How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)
I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
What do plus a nut and a pee make?
Pee-nuts.
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?
Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.
More random keyboard words made into sentences:
This was a joke that was made by someone who had never been to the game before, but who was the first person to make it into a game of game with the intention of being able to play the first person who played it.
I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
What makes Asians look like they're laughing at everyone? They're squinting before they hear the joke.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
Where can a male and female rabbit make love at? The rabbit house or the rabbit hole?
