New Make Jokes

What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?

2 slices of Brad.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket. How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans’ vest tight

Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?

He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS

I should probably stop making emo jokes. They just don't seem to cut it anymore.

Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff? They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.

What did Warner Brothers get for making that horrible joker sequel?

They got what they fucking deserved!!!!!!!!

Why do disabled people make good golfers? Because they're always handicapped

How do you make a dishwasher work again? Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

When Pope Pius (IX.) died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, St. Peter opened: "Who are you, what do you want?” "I am Pope Pius. I want to come to heaven.” “Where do you come from?" "Rome." "What do you mean? Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!"

To make sure to not erroneously deny access to an authorised person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God and asks: "Hello Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "What do you mean: Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "No, sorry, I don’t know him."

Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello Junior - here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "Rome Italy." "No sorry, never heard of."

Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?" "What does he mean, Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "He says Rome Italy." "No sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while he continues: "Wait, wait - tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with mysphonia? One makes the annoying noises while the other hates the annoying noises

What’s the difference between a Jew and an American the American makes it out of camp

Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

Why do rappers make terrible pirates?

Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS

Ali from Kazakhstan, he got small forehead, all his friends laugh. They say, 'Ali, your forehead so tiny, you need magnifying glass to see!' But Ali, he not care, he proud of his unique look. When he wear hat, it look like top of mountain, so funny, everyone laugh with him. Ali know small forehead no problem, it make him special, like rare gem!

Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild. He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!