I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

Why do people make fun of crippled people? Because they can’t stand up for themselves

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? – You make a seizure salad.

Why should you not make fun of a crippled person?

Because he can’t stand the jokes.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all they can’t stand up for themselves

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says. – Which makes me an eighth theist.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten-tickles.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing boeing boeing.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

I don’t trust atoms.

They make up everything.

What kind of Bees make milk?

BooBees

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? – “Make it sew.”

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.