Made

Made jokes

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

At gym class today, my friend made this song:

🎵 I’m a Barbie girl, I am fantastic, my boobs are plastic!

Women say men are trash.

Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...

Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?

Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?

Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.

"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.

And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."

To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."

To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"

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    • A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

    The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

    Orphan jokes aren't to be made fun of.

    They're just aimed at older audiences. Oh wait.

    THEY AREN'T EVEN OLDER AGES.

    I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!

    Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

    I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

    Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

    That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

    A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"

    Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."

    I can tell a joke :)

    Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

    There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

    The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

    The teacher says, "That's right."

    The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

    "That's right," the teacher says.

    The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.