Machine jokes

What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!

Why did the hobo go back to the future?

To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.

Long time since I made a joke, huh? I used a Time Machine to make this one.

Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

TRUE STORY!

X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.

I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!

Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!

What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!

During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.

He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*

I put a Dalmatian in a washing machine and killed him.

A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"

Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."

Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."

Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"

The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?

The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.