Machine jokes
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
I've been sad recently that the Twin Towers aren't around, so I made the conclusion to build a time machine to watch it again.
Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.
What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of the knickers!
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
Solve this equation: a gay boy + a whole lot of drugs = A hyped up f'ing machine.
What is big, black, and hairy? It's a gorilla with a machine gun.
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
Run on a sandpaper floor-treadmill hybrid in a medium sized room for 24 hours. It will be fun!
What did the rapper say to the broken vending machine?
"Yo, drop the BEAT!"
Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
Time is like a machine, it slows down when beaten.
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What do you call a bored robot?
A “sigh”-borg.