Machine jokes
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?
Watching their expression change.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
The Twin Towers were like a woman stuck in the washer machine. They both got freed.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants? A: He heard the snowblower coming.
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*