What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Run on a sandpaper floor-treadmill hybrid in a medium sized room for 24 hours. It will be fun!
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
