Machine jokes
What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?
The "curry muncher 2000."
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."
What’s the best part about putting a baby in a blender feet first?
Watching their expression change.
What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
Why did the hobo go back to the future?
To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.
Ur mum smells like shit, yeah, so she sucks a man off and washing machine. Yo, don’t at me, yeah, you chicken breath.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.
I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.
The Twin Towers were like a woman stuck in the washer machine. They both got freed.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.