Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
What cigarettes does Churchill's wife like to smoke?
Blue Winston.
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
Guess what that is and it’s explosive. The end looks like <>
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.
It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.
I like pie.
Whatever it is, I kind of like it.
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?
"Ghost Musterd."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.
If you want to see what I look like, then pics will be coming soon!
But freshfry, how are you!
Oh, and this is Cassie, aka princess shortie!
🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.
No, not like you can ketchup!
Do you think I can shoot a basketball?
I make it dip like water.
Orphans are humans like everyone else, so suck it up, rude jerks!
