Law jokes

How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?

They spray paint it like candy 🍬.

A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.

The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!

When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.

What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?

A pedophile.

You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.

My teacher is a rapist.

I fucked my mom.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?

To get them in his van.

What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...

You get to meet Chris Hansen!

Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.

No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"

He called the cops.

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."