Law jokes

When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?

A pedophile.

Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.

My teacher is a rapist.

I fucked my mom.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.

What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...

You get to meet Chris Hansen!

Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?

To get them in his van.

There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"

He called the cops.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"