Law jokes

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

What is the difference between an American and an orphan?

They don't have a home to get their guns.

What do you call an American house?

A gun safe.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

It’s too bad G won’t be able to follow in Kobe’s footsteps and rape a hotel employee but not serve one minute in jail.

Why can't George Floyd breathe? He had a knee on his neck, stupid.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?

They fight and... You know the rest.

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

Two pedophiles are on a beach.

One says to the other, "Move over, you're in my sun!"

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?

Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.

How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?

They spray paint it like candy 🍬.

A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.

The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?

Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!