Law jokes

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

What is black and blue and really hates sex?

The six-year-old in my basement.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.

My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.

What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?

A baby in the microwave.

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?

Ask him to tell a rape joke.

Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"

Because the cheese got raped.

The school shooter when the cops show up be like:

"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."

My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.

There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Me: I just shot an orphan.

Mate: You can’t do that!

Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

Why doesn't the police arrest orphans? Because they aren't wanted.