Law jokes

There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.

What was the guitar teacher arrested for? Stringing a minor.

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"

If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

What is black and blue and really hates sex?

The six-year-old in my basement.

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.

My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?

A baby in the microwave.

What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?

Ask him to tell a rape joke.

The school shooter when the cops show up be like:

"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."

My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.

Do you know why in France there is a cheese named "fromage à râpe?"

Because the cheese got raped.

There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"

Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?

To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.

Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?

Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.

Random guy: Hi, how old are you?

Me: 15

The guy: You're so young, age is just a number.

Me: Do you know what else is a number?

The guy: What?

Me: 911