Law jokes
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
I gotta do terrorist :)
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public?
because the french government was using the guillotine in public on newborn baby boys for circumcision.
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
What did the robber say to the clock? Hands up!
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.