Law jokes

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

How do get a nun pregnant? Fuck her!

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.

If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

What do you call a nut in jail?

A busted nut.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.

Space therapist in between the e and the r.

The rapists!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby who?

Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?

They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.