Law jokes
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
A fat man was checking his weight and sucking in his fat belly. A physicist saw it and said that's not how the law of conservation of mass works.
Plot twist: The fat man jumped on the physicist and proved him wrong. Now the physicist doesn't have mass.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
If you're ever bored, just slap an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can get wanted.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Why did your mum touch me? Because she was a pedo.
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁
In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for it being black.
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!