Language jokes
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
Want to hear a joke about prostitution? Never mind, it's whoreable.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "Daddy."
My wife called me a pedophile. That is a big word for a 2 year old.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
A pun walked into a room and killed ten people. Pun in, ten dead.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.