Language jokes

Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.

My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

'Whodya nikabollokov'

What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

Shoot.

What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.

A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.

Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!

My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I said, "No, it doesn't!"

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree.

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"

Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."

Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"

Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"

Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."

Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"

Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."

Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"

Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"

Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."

Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

That's the best I've done so far.

I entered 10 puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.