Kid jokes
What do you call a kid who sings well?
Melodic Minor.
Why was the rapper always late?
Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.
What did the parent say to M.J.?
"Get off my kid!"
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
What did the tree say to the depressed kid?
"Stop hanging around."
Why is the gay kid gay?
Because he likes men.
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
Kid singing “abcd.”
Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.