Kid jokes

I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

Why do dead babies cry? Just kidding, they are dead.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.

I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.

Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?

Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.

What does the "f" stand for in orphan?

Family.

"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."

"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."

The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.

By the way, have you seen my sister?

If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”

What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

What do you call a kid with cancer? Limited.

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

(Kid) Quit what?

(Bus Driver) Living.

(Kid) But it was a joke!

(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

(Kid) Ok.

(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.