Kid jokes

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Kick the chair out from under them.

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

Have you met Bofa?

Bofa deez blind kids!

Why did the kid get grounded? Because he was always lion.

If the sun had a kid, it would be like father, like sun. 🤓 😎

Why does the emo kid skip class?

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."

The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"

What do you call a kid who sings well?

Melodic Minor.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Where's is the candy, sir???

Over there.

(kid steps in van)

I don't see any candy.

There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”

What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!

Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.

I gave an emo kid money.

He gave me the great depression.

What do you call a gay kid on fire?

Knock knock. Who's there? Colin! Colin who? Colonisation!

Just kidding, colonisers don't knock before they come in.