30+ College Jokes

Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."

Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

Anyone else?

The image shows a four-panel cartoon of a man climbing a hill. Each panel represents a different stage in life. The first panel, labeled 'school,' shows the man climbing easily with the text 'Almost done!'. The second panel, labeled 'high school,' shows the man still climbing easily with the text 'Almost!'. The third panel, labeled 'college,' shows him reaching the top with the text 'Oh yes!'. The fourth panel, labeled 'life,' shows a much smaller figure at the bottom of an enormous hill with the text 'Oh shit!'.

What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?

"Stand" Ford University. :3

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

Why did the slave go to college?

To get his master's degree.

Why didn't the sun go to college?

Because it already had a million degrees!

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"