Kid jokes

What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.

Kid: Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

Nerd: Because they're marsupials.

Kid: No, because they didn’t have the koala-fication!

If gravity pulls things down at 9.8 m/s squared, why did the emo kid not come down?

In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."

Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.

There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"

Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?

Are you kidding me?!?

Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

Why was the kid sad?

He was adopted.

Why can't orphan kids play baseball?

'Cause they can't find home.

Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.

Kid: You hop to.

Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?

Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.

Stranger: Do you need a doctor?

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!

This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"

The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"

Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"

Me: "What are you doing??"

Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"

Me: "I don't know."

Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"

Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"

Don't bully kids.

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.