Kid jokes

Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

Kid: How much do you get paid?

Teacher: Minimum wage.

Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."

Miss Stephen likes kids like she likes wine: 15 years and in isolation.

Where do religious kids practice sports?

In the prayground.

Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.

All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.

Alle Kinder hiessen Melissa, ausser Kurt, han hed det "grime Kurt bombomn".

What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.

"Knuckle babies" don't eat.

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

Kid: I got homework.

Mom: Ok, so?

Kid: I got a F in my balls.

"Ugly kid, I feel ugly."

"Me? You don't have feel ugly, you already ugly."

Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.

Me: They're certainly not wrong.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.