Kid jokes
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.
And an exorcism.
What's the difference between Michael Joseph Jackson and Mickey Mouse? Besides being a disease-carrying rodent, and one a dangerous pedophile, Mickey Mouse can still touch and go near kids.
What's the difference between Michael Joseph Jackson and Richard Pryor?
One was burned by Pepsi. The other burned by coke. Richard Pryor married and had kids, and Michael Joseph Jackson molested kids.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.
Why?
Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.