Kid jokes

If Huggy and Kissy ever had a kid, they would have a good lunch. *evil laugh* 😈

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.

What do Israel and Epstein have in common?

"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

How are boobs and toys similar?

Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?

Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.

Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.

If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?

A. A mixed vegetable.

When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.

She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.

I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!