John Jokes

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John & Jane Doe

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D

John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater." Fiancee:Break a leg

Theres 3 words in important. I’m, port, ant 😂😂🤣

Their were two friends talking one day Tim tells john " I THINK I'M GAY " john says to Tim what do you mean Tim says "WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO DRESS LIKE A WOMEN AND SING KARAOKE IN A BAR AND CALL MYSELF" (GILLETTE THE BEST A MAN CAN GET) JOHN SAYS TO TIM I THINK YOUR RIGHT AND THANKS FOR REMINDING ME I NEED TO BUY RAZORS

God promised John that if he came 1st he would get an eternal life but instead he came 5th and got a kettle!

One day I went to talk to my friend. "Hi John!" I said. No response. "Oh yea." I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button. "Hope that helps."

John kreeses forehead broke when silver hit ‘‘em in the forehead

Hello, are you there? Yes, who are you? My name is Watt. What’s your name? Watt’s my name. Yes, what is your name? My name is John Watt. John What? Yes, are you Jones? No, I’m Knott. Will you tell me your name? Will Knott. Why not? My name is Knott. Not what? Not Watt, Knott! *hangs up*

There are two kids sitting in a classroom Lily and john Lily sleeps in class everyday.The teacher asks lily who made heaven and earth john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY teacher says that's right the teacher says the next day she asks the same question john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY that's right the teacher says next day she asks lily what did Eve say to adam after their 100th john pokes her again IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IMMA BREAK IT IN HALF she shouts.

no one: literally no one: Abraham Lincoln: *dies* John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender I m here to assassinate John Tucker. The bartender replies he’s in the restroom. The hit man goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour. The bartender asks him did u kill him? The hitman replies with a sad face “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour and when I asked him what’s taking him so long he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started”.