John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
John
And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
I have a little John.
I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.
Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?
What did John say to little Timmy? Happy Disable day!
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
What this the difference between the twin towers and Elton John Elton John is still standing
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
