John jokes

What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?

Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.

A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.

One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.

They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.

A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."

Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.

And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.

A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.

The teacher says, "Oh, John!"

John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"

When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."

Mom: "No?"

"Like in heaven?" said the mother.

"No, juice," Sally said.

Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?

Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?

Someone asked the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton why she lost the 2016 presidential election to Donald John Trump, and the former 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Because someone asked her what she would do for a Klondike Bar?"

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

"Rapeboat" makes Elton John seem straight.

What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?

Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

Yo mama so fat that John Cena couldn’t get her down with an Attitude Adjustment!

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

Did you all hear about the newest gay celebrity couple? Yeah, John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)