IT jokes

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.

What does Michael Jackson do with his meat? "Just beat it". His song btw lol.

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

Dark humor is like parents. Not everyone gets it.

Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?

Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?

“Just beat it! Just beat it!”