Screw jokes
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Memes
screw global warming
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
Screw anima!
Oh wait, that's called hentai.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.