The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because Feminists can’t solve problems.

How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to there other side!

How many screws does it take to construct a lesbians bed? None, it’s all tongue and groove…

What is Stephen Hawking’ favourite song

Head shoulders screws and bolts

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one. But I also think I screwed it up.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It is cheap fast, and if the rubber breaks, your pretty much screwed.

how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

Me: (pointing up in the air) "EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS IS A ROBBERY" Girl: "dude, this is a library" Me: “oh” (screwing on a silencer)

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, “Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?”

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?

How many babys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more then 9 cause my basement is still dark

how many EMO KIDS DOES IT to screw in a light bulb? none they all sit in the dark and cry

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb it takes two but don’t ask me how they get inside

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it… at least Jesus didn’t get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

I was with my blind friend, and he’s telling me “Yeah I can read braille”. So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read “Screw you, asshole”

Screw anima!

oh wait, that called hentai.

Stormtrooper: What should we do with about the failed plan?

Palpatine: Screw it

Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Wanna go ride a bike?

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”