Screw

Screw Jokes

Hammer

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

Lesbian

How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?

None, it's all tongue and groove...

Carpenter

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

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  • Plan

    Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?

    Palpatine: Screw it.

    Robbery

    Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

    Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

    Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

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  • Tool

    What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

    Patient

    How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    To get to the other side!

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  • Blonde

    How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    5

    4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

    Short jokes

    How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.

    Stripper

    Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

    A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.

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  • Lego

    I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

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  • Crucifixion

    Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

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  • Baby

    How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.

    Period

    Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?

    IT JUST DOES!!!!

    Kelly Clarkson

    What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?

    A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.

    Friendship

    Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

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  • Song

    What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

    Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.

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