Screw jokes

You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.

But I also think I screwed it up.

How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?

None, it's all tongue and groove...

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?

Palpatine: Screw it.

Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

Screw anima!

Oh wait, that's called hentai.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side!

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5

4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?

IT JUST DOES!!!!

What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?

A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?

Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.