Im jokes

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??

I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"

I said, "Yes, I know I am."

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "I'm." "I'm who?" "I'm a joke!"

I'm dead inside.

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

I'm the joke, bitch.

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

Hi Stephen. Are you a vegetarian?

Well, you are partly right—I'm a vegetable.

What can you say in bed and in piano class? Im fingering A Minor

If I ever have a YouTube channel, I'm pretty sure it would be called "101 Things NOT To Do With Electrical Sockets."

I saw a Down syndrome kid waving at me today, but there's no way I'm swimming all the way over there to save him.

"Eugheugh," said the boy.

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

My friends think I'm bipolar. I threw a pencil case at someone and I walked out, walked back in 2 seconds later and I was sunshines and rainbows.