Im jokes

"Prince, I'm ready to chat when you are. I'm in bed, so yeah, let's chat! Love you!"

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??

I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"

I said, "Yes, I know I am."

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"

I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.

I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.

You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

Connor: Hi Mom.

Mom:

Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!

I'm the joke, bitch.

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

- Sure.

Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]

I'm ticked off by this tick joke!

Pete: Knock, knock...

Paul: Who's there?

Pete: Boo...

Paul: Boo who?

Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!

Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!

Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."