Idiom jokes
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.
People are still scratching their heads over it.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
False.
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Every moon has a silver lining.
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.
I guess people are dying to get in.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
Why was the sun ☀️ mad at the clouds ☁️?
Because the clouds kept throwing shade.