Idiom jokes

I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.

What did the booty say when it was asked to help?

"I've got your backside covered!"

Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Madam.

Madam who?

Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!

I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

Every moon has a silver lining.

I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!

Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.

What's an egg's favorite phrase?

An eggspression.

Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.

What did the chicken say to the turkey?

Nothing, he chickened out!

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.

What did the pot say to the kettle?

"To lick the spoon."

What did the pot say to the kettle?

"To lick the s*** spoon."