Idiom jokes
“Life is going swimmingly,”
“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
What idiot said to Stephen Hawking, "You can't run before you can walk"?
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
That's a knee slapper, or should I say, a wheel slapper?
What did the booty say when it was asked to help?
"I've got your backside covered!"
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
I rule my women with an IRON FIST!!
Yeah, literally an iron that my fist is clenching against her face.
Every moon has a silver lining.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.
What's an egg's favorite phrase?
An eggspression.