I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, βHey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?β
I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.
6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Cause every play has a cast.
What do you tell a depressed person?
Just hang in there!
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Why was the sun βοΈ mad at the clouds βοΈ?
Because the clouds kept throwing shade.
Three men walk into a bar... you would have thought the last one would have ducked.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
Call me a worn-out sweater because Iβm hanging on by a thread.
Thatβs about to become a rope around my neck.
I still remember the last thing Gaster said before he kicked the bucket, it was, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" (Sans)
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Curiosity killed the cat.
But for a while, I was a suspect.
What is the best power that man can do? They can move the mountain with their tongue.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
