Idiom jokes
What's an egg's favorite phrase?
An eggspression.
I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.
I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
That's a knee slapper, or should I say, a wheel slapper?
False.
I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.
What did the chicken say to the turkey?
Nothing, he chickened out!
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
I'll try not to post jokes about disabled people anymore.
I shouldn't kick a guy when he's Down's.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Cause every play has a cast.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.