You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
Make like a drum and beat it!
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
Once I took a test on waving signal flags.
They said I passed with flying colors.
"Orange you glad I made it?"
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
