Idiom jokes
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Bitches be like, "Read the room."
What genre is that in?
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
Make like a drum and beat it!
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
Memes
False.
“Life is going swimmingly,”
“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”
"Orange you glad I made it?"
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Once I took a test on waving signal flags.
They said I passed with flying colors.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
What did the tree say to the kid with a bike? "Take a hike!"
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.