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How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!”

The drunk says, “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the p.... of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!

A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest’s basement.

what do you call a burning church?

Holy Smokes

how to make holy water 1-grab a pot 2-put water in it 3-set the stove to 420 degrees 4-boil the hell out of it

There was a woman named sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed she her bra size was 69 (+69). That is f...ing big! Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 55378008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

HoW dO yOu MaKe HoLy WaTeR, YoU bOiL tHe HeLl OuT oF iT

This guy is boiling water the girl walks in and says “What are you doing” the guy says “I’m making Holy Water” She said “How?” He said “I’m boiling the hell out of it”

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

Youre mama so ugly, When Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said,“HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT’S ONE UGLY BITCH!”

What kind of jeans do you were to church? - Holy jeans

what do u call a cow that has been shot

holy cow

My friend:What are you doing Me:I´m making holy water My friend:How? Me:I´m boiling the hell out of it.

Three nuns up to Mother Teresa and say Mother Teresa we would not like to be eaten anymore Mother Teresa says okay but first you have to do something Unholy so they a leave and come back 3 days later the first one the first one says Mother Teresa I did something Unholy I took a little kids bike Mother Teresa says okay who drink from the holy water and you are free to go II unlocks upset I did it something worse than her I slept with a married man the last nun walks up and says I did something worse than all of them Mother Teresa says oh god oh gosh are there in the third nut and says I peed in the holy water

me:gives her 5 dollars climb that flag pole cute female:takes the money and goes up the flag pole is this good me:hell yeah thats a nice veiw next day heres 10 dollars if u do it again she goes up there me:hows the veiw she goes home and her mom sees the money her mom:where u getting this money her daughter:i climbed a flagpole her mom:you know he just want u to to see ur panties right she goes back and does it again but doesnt wear panties me:holy shit ;-; her mom:did u do it again her daughter:dont worry mom he didnt get to see my panties her mom:…

If you shit in a church is it a holy shit?

“How do you make holy water?” “You boil the hell out of it.”

The first priest asks the second, “How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?”, the priest replies, “No clue… I close my eyes when I masturbate”