Humor

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.

Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

What do you call a black person?

Dark humor.

What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?

Nothing, they both can’t breathe.

Men.

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

UwU

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?

One has a home.

Women: Can I have your number?

Jesus: No.

Women: Why? Are you scared?

Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.

What do you call an abo with a shotgun?

Sir.

I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

Eggs

You crack me up!

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shelfies.