Humor

Why should you never fart in an Apple store?

Because they have no Windows!

Eggs

You crack me up!

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shelfies.

What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?

Nothing, they both can’t breathe.

What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?

A spicket fence!

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?

One has a home.

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

Women: Can I have your number?

Jesus: No.

Women: Why? Are you scared?

Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.

What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?

An AK-46.

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

Men.

Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.

I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.