Humor
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.
Wow, that was explosive!
Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
Wife is texting husband:
"Honey, if I give you 300 dollars, will you stop being blind?"
Husband: "seilghsielguG"
Wife: "Seriously, David?"
Husband: "fuweyadb"
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
What do you call a black person?
Dark humor.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
UwU
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Eggs
You crack me up!
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!