Humor
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat…
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.
No joke!
i made explain bear crack
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
Everything is so racist these days, you can't even say "black paint" anymore. You now have to say "Tyrone can you please paint that wall?"
Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!
Yo momma so dumb, she thought this joke was funny.
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn’t have to, he scares the shit out of the toilet.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?
The Breath Takers.
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
If you punch an orphan, they can't do anything; they can't tell their parents.
Why does Technoblade make orphan jokes?
'Cuz he's the Father!!!
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."