Humor

Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"

Guy: That's probably because you're single.

Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.

Why are bald eagles bald? Because you're bald!

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Ididap.

Ididap who?

That's the joke, you did a poo!

I'm friends with 2 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?

There's twenty of them.

Why don't Romans find algebra fun?

X is always ten.

Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

A roman walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"

How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?

Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

My dick.

1 + 1 = window.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.

What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?

They're both inside jobs.

So, y'all remember Hitler, right?

Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"

What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!

This is a Cuphead joke.

Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!