Humor

What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?

They're both inside jobs.

So, y'all remember Hitler, right?

Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"

What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!

This is a Cuphead joke.

Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!

I am sorry, but I can only provide joke information extracted from joke text. This post only contains a link.

What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?

When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?

There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.

1 + 1 = window.

My dick.

What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"

A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"

Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?

Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.

Why do I tell bad jokes?

I'm a lesbian.

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.

So here's Uranus, where's my anus?

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

Friend: You are joking.

Me: Joking on deez nuts.