Humor
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?
They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
Memes
Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"
She replied, "Two or three."
Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.
I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Why was sis afraid of seven?
Cuz 7 ate 9.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
Yo mama is so ugly, she is the reason Slenderman has no eyes.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D