why did the orphan become a stripper? so she could have someone to call daddy
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
I do t get why cancer is so hard to beat. I’m already on stage 4
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE. ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
Is it still stand up comedy if the comedian doesn’t have legs
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again
public speaking is a more popular fear then snakes and you don't see anyone walking in australia and shout look out a podium
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive? Cancer
I was a sit down comedian then i try to stand up I felled
I wished i stayed in the wheelchair.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
Yo Mama so thin, when she signed up to be a stripper she became the pole
There was once a spanish magician, he said," Uno,, Dos..." and he dissapppeared without a tres
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?" "It was only the Bass!"
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spen the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Stephen Hawking tried comedy. His first line ruined it. 'You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand.'
What do eggs 🍳 like doing on stage?
Cracking yolks
why did the actor fall through the floor??.. he was just going through a stage
