Humor

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?

Something big and warm 🍆.

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

Butt hehe.

How did 10 die?

Because it was in between 9 and 11.

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

How many balls do you have on your body?

2. Your butt.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.

I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"

Mom replied with, "That's your father."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange ya glad this isn't another stupid orphan joke that has been posted 10 times before!