Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Humor
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
...
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
Imagine a dragon 🤔.
Imagine me dragging these nuts across your face.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
