Humor

I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.

I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"

I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.

What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

Why do 911 jokes always fail?

They always crash and burn!

Ur face.

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?

Something big and warm 🍆.

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

Why can't orphans have cereal? Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.

Bro, WW2 was just a joke.