Humor
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?
Because she got hit by a bus.
I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Control freak.
Con...
Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
Your (DYM 17).