Humor

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

I would tell a Koby joke...

But it would just crash and burn.

What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!

Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Pizza.

Pizza who?

Never mind, it was so cheesy.

What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?

"It's dye-ing."

Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!

I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?

Pot wheels.

I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken.

Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.