Humor
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
What’s long, white, and full of cream? A cheese stick.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Pizza.
Pizza who?
Never mind, it was so cheesy.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?
A Butt-asaurus.
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.