Humor
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?
*Answer: Quatro Cinco*
Memes
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
Yo mama so fat, when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete laughed up.
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call “daddy.”
This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs. 🤣🤣 LOL