Humor
The view is so much better without those twins covering the city.
Well, that was a blow up!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
Teacher: What’s the closest planet?
Kids yell: Sun.
Except for one.
Other kid: Uranus.
Teacher: Uranus?
Other kid: Yeah, it’s right there.
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
I am not a nerd ;). I'm just smarter than you.
Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?
*Answer: Quatro Cinco*
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...